Living not striving…

Wish I had pictures to share from today.  We all went to Charleston for the day to spend some time with the Pereas.  My sister Kelly and her husband Richard and their 8 amazing children moved to South Carolina a year and a half ago to start a church. They are an incredible family and we love spending any time we can with them.  We always learn something about parenting and our children have the best time. They adore their cousins.

The plan was to spend the day on the beach and even though it poured with black skies the last half hour to the beach, we decided to forge ahead and see if the sky might clear.  I am so glad we did because the skies cleared and we had a glorious day playing on the beach.  Since the Pereas moved from Colorado the beach of course was a novelty to them but believe it or not this is the first time we have all been on the beach together since they moved.  So I really, really wanted the kids to play together on the beach at least one time this year.

It was a perfect day.  We picnicked, made sandcastles, played forever in the water and crazy high waves, went out for ice cream and then finished the day getting baths and playing together until we absolutely HAD to make the drive home.  I am so thankful that the Pereas followed the Lord’s call on their lives.  They sacrificed so majorly to leave a great church, so many wonderful friends and family to come to South Carolina.  It has not been easy at all.  I am also so thankful the Lord called them to our state.  I love that my kids can know their cousins and play together and share life together.

We serve an amazing God and today was an amazing day

Read a post recently by Perry Noble and he talked about recognizing our strengths and weaknesses and accepting these.  This is hard I think as a stay-at-home mom.  For instance one of my great weaknesses is organization and quite honestly, housecleaning.  I don’t like doing it and I don’t do it well.

For those of you that relish a nice sparkling clean bathroom, eat off the floor kitchen tile and dust-free living room, don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE it when my house is clean but I have no internal satisfactory feeling pushing me toward it.  I dread sweeping, dusting, mopping, vacuuming and scrubbing.  I find no intrinsic value in cleaning my house.  So this is an area where if I was an executive I would recognize a weakness not a strength and hire/assign someone else to do it.

However, therein lies the problem.  I can’t afford a housekeeper and somehow as my job is “housewife”, cleaning is part of my job description.  I am good at other parts of this job that I do enjoy.  I like planning fun activities for my kids.  I like being deliberate about their academic and spiritual development.  I have learned to appreciate meal planning, shopping for grocery deals, keeping up with laundry and I am slowly coming to terms with budgeting, but alas I still detest the cleaning business.

Please understand that I know I need to take care of what the Lord has given me and really I am not a lazy person.  However days like today leave me overwhelmed.  I guess because keeping up with the daily cleaning, laundry, pee on the toilet and floor, toothpaste on the sink, clothes everywhere, mail on the counter, crumbs on the floor, toys strewn about, books every which way…. leave me feeling frozen and numb, overwhelmed to try and tackle, bills to pay, blinds to clean, mail to file, clothes to reorganize, homework to review, dinner to cook, frig to clean out, and on and on.

I truly am an optimist so forgive my complaining, but really… can anyone else relate?  Please throw me an encouraging comment

I decided to cut to the chase and put Eli in some underwear today since I knew we would be home all day.  Some potty training days Eli does well, others are not so great; so I thought since we still use pull-ups and diapers maybe we just needed to do the real deal.  I don’t do well with potty training.

Yes, this was the result.  We recovered and finished most of the day in underwear, (three different pairs) but I am so not ready to go out and about with real underwear on.  Just not fun!

Despite a three hour nap I still felt pretty horrible all day long.  I was beginning to fear that we were NEVER going to get better.  But it is almost 11pm and I am starting to feel close to normal!  Whoo hooo!!!!

That means sometime in the next two to three days the rest of us should be back on our feet.  Despite being sick McCall had a pretty good day.  He spent most of the day in mommy and daddy’s bed watching tv.  He calls it his “paradise room.”:)  People called to wish him a happy birthday and some sweet friends even stopped by and brought him a present.

All in all “rest” seems to be on the agenda for at least one more day.  I spent any energy I had today lysoling and catching up on laundry.  Tomorrow will most likely be the same.  So thank you for all the food we enjoyed today:) and for all your prayers.

Emotionally exhausted, drained, so sad, yet overwhelmed by love.  This is a smidge of what we are feeling currently.  I have never lost a loved one this close to me so this is a strange, difficult new experience.  It is a bit overwhelming thinking of ever doing it again and yet it is inevitable.  Mark, Kimberly and Pat have been down this road too many times it seems.

You can check out Mark’s blog for details on the arrangements.  How completely amazed we have been how in the last 12 hours we have been loved on in amazing ways.  I received the phone call that Tom had slipped away and within 20 minutes I was by Mark’s side and it takes almost 15 minutes to get to Pat and Tom’s house.  That is how quickly friends moved into place to free us up to grieve.  Within three hours unbeknowst to me not only were my children being fed and entertained but friends fell upon my house and straightened (forgive my clutter!), cleaned, scrubbed, folded, washed bedding, reorganized my house to prepare for out of town guests.  Then to top it off they mowed the yard!

All day long we have received food, emails, text messages, phone calls.  God is so good to us and we are so undeserving but I promise these huge gestures bless us so very much.  What a testament to God’s grace.  Not one gift, card or phone call is unappreciated.  It keeps us going so thank you.

Please do continue to pray for our strength, especially for Pat, Kimberly and Mark.  They are going on months of very little sleep and the grief is hard.  Also as a momma please pray for little Eli.  We took him to the doctor tonight b/c he has a very, very bad cough.  Apparently it is just a cold thank goodness but of course I worry about him:) 

So thanks be to God for all the support from those that love us and love Him!  I just kept thinking of Tom today enjoying the sunshine of the Lord while fishing with his dad.  What a sweet picture!

Do you know what your primary love language is?  Early on in our relationship, before engagement even, Mark and I read the book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Good stuff.  It talks about how we all have a love tank but there are different languages that can be used to fill it up.  They are quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service and giving gifts.  You usually have a primary language that you speak and receive.  A worthy read. (By the way that may be the only book we ever read together, so don’t think, “aahh look they read together!”

Anyways my primary love language is quality time.  Mark’s is more acts of service or gift giving.  So we have had to learn to be very deliberate on filling each other’s tanks.  Quality time with my hubby right now is pretty hard to come by, especially on the weekends.  He spent last night with his dad and when he came home this morning I was packing the boys and the car to go to the beach all day so Mark could rest.  Imagine my delight when he said he had enough sleep and would go with us.  The boys and I were so excited!

What makes it even more special is that Mark HATES the beach.  He hates the sand, the water the heat, the wind, all of it.  But he helped me pack up, drove all the way (even with traffic and despite the fact that he drives back and forth to the beach just about 3 times a week already), he dug holes in the sand with us, ate a picnic lunch (he despises sand in his food), took the boys out in the water, and lost his treasured sunglasses in the waves!  We stayed over 3 hours and  then packed it up and went home.

He then made us omelets for dinner.  And he gets to go to church with us tomorrow!!!  The best thing about it is he did it all with such a willing heart, no complaining.  Although I know during the majority of the day he simply was doing and there because he loves us and it made us happy.  My love tank is very full!

It also convicts me to try harder to meet his needs and find ways to fill his tank.  Isn’t it amazing how when we get filled up we can then fill others up?  Although we don’t always have the luxury of getting filled up.  Thank goodness the Lord will fill us up, any time, any day, any way we need!  He is so faithful!  And I am so thankful for my Mark:)

I’m trying to be a more “fun” mom.  The boys and I ran a few grocery shopping errands in the rain the other night.  They were so, so good and as we were unloading it stopped raining and they wanted to play in the puddles.  My initial reaction was, “No way!  I don’t want to have to give you a bath tonight and if you puddle splash then you will definitely need a bath.”  But thankfully, fun mom stepped in and said,”Let them play! What harm is a little mud and water going to do!”

They had a blast:)  While I unloaded they splashed and laughed.  They also unfortunately skipped rocks all over our neighbors driveway so we had to pick up the rocks before going in for bathtime.  Even that was fun though.  I think our neighbors might have thought I was crazy, but I am so glad I let them.

Hopefully these are the memories that will stick and not my meltdowns:)

I told Mark yesterday that my day consists of the boys pummeling each other and one or more of the boys having a crying fit.  We alternate between these two experiences constantly throughout the day.  They love to beat the crap out of each other and then cry hysterically.  Or the opposite happens and one of them melts down for some unknown reason and then one of the other boys will make fun or just decide to begin pummeling his brother.It is literally craziness and driving me crazy.  To avoid time at home alone with all of this pent up testosterone we literally spent from 9:30-2pm at the YMCA (exercise for mom and then pool time) then I drove around while Eli slept until we picked up McCall from Inventor’s camp at 3:30pm and then went back to the pool until a thunder storm ruined the fun.  You would think by our 5pm return home they would be starting to wear down, but no.  Mark came home and wrestled with them for half an hour.  I have to figure out how to put the video on here b/c it is hilarious.  Eli has no fear and bodyslams anyone and anything, over and over.Yes McCall is going to Inventor’s camp this week.  He loves it.  I am not exactly sure what one does at this camp but he says he is inventing a robotic arm to make his life easier so it can make his bed every morning.  I asked if I could borrow it for other household tasks.  A little laundry, a little cleaning, a little cooking:)I would love to be excited about taking my boys to free movies, library time, etc.  But I am realizing that unless a large portion of their time is incredibly active…. we are back to them pummeling each other and crying jags. We have been to the pool tons and will continue to do so but I think we are going to have to do a beach trip soon and invest in some FunDayGo time. We have done the splash pad but Eli is not really very keen on it.  We have a kiddie pool at home that they enjoy, but does anybody have any other suggestions? Don’t get me wrong, I am loving summer but also realizing that my summer crafts, story times and quiet afternoons may not be totally realistic with three little boys.    I wouldn’t trade it for the world though!!! 

Great Father’s Day.  Slept in a touch and then whisked the boys (as quietly as possible) out of the house to leave Mark to sleep as late as possible.  He hasn’t been feeling well and running on fumes so he needed some rest and recuperation:)

We went and visited The River Church in Camden.  Such a neat, welcoming fellowship.  Jay Hardwick was guest preacher today and it was a great service.  Loved the music, young band but so, so good.  I would love to hear their regular preacher sometime, Brian Plyler I believe.  A big thank you to sweet Jennifer that made us feel so welcome and was so kind to my kiddos.  It says a lot that the boys asked when we could go back.

Picked up Outback on the way back into town for lunch at home and then naptime.  Spent some time this evening with Pat and Tom.  The boys fished with Mark.  Mark made homemade banana ice cream as requested by his dad.  Then we finished the day at Ebeneezer Park and a phone call with my dad. The weather could not have been prettier. 

Now off to bed.  So thankful for the godly men in my life.  Great great dads!

Life is a balancing act and I am usually teetering one way or another, desperately trying to stay on the beam.  ”Balance” seems to be an elusive term.  What does it really look like?  We all understand how our priorities should look and line up but when it comes to the nitty gritty decisions in everyday life, how do I consistently make the right ones to keep me on track and standing upright, instead of leaning precariously, frantically waving my arms and holding my breath so I don’t fall?I read by Craig Groeschel, I believe, a blog about how balance is kind of relative and needs to be looked at depending on the season in your life.  For instance where your time needs to be weighted, depending on ages of your children, health situations, job situations, etc.  I do like that thought, but it still leaves me facing so many daily decisions like:

•  do I get up early for time with the Lord or sneak 20 extra minutes of sleep to help my sanity?
• do I have a sugar and caffeine laden cup of coffee or drink another bottle of water?
• now do I make myself go to the gym (since I surely chose the coffee) or take the half hour to rush a shower and look presentable?
• do I tackle laundry, dishes, cleaning or do I play with the boys and go to the park?
• do I go to the grocery store (oh horrors!) and cook a healthy dinner or do I watch a friends kiddos and pick up Little Caesars?
• do I work on homework with McCall while the other boys play with playdough (resulting in prayers for patience and clean up) or do I skip the activity and send them outside for trampoline time and popsicles?
• do I cook dinner and do a quick clean up while the boys watch tv or do I try to cook while they whine and cry and pull on me and the house ends up trashed?
• do I spend an hour sitting with my husband watching tv or do I finally finish cleaning the kitchen and folding the laundry so the day starts with a somewhat straightened house?

I know you understand.  Sometimes it just seems like there is no winning scenario.  So I breath deeply and celebrate each small victory.  And I guess try to give myself a break and realize that this feeling of vertigo is a season?  I hope?